Every year that I do this list for ESPN fantasy hockey, I dig for inspiration. Some names lend themselves naturally to puns or pop culture references, which creates a solid, standard Fantasy name such as “A Jack Hughes Brothers Film” or “Auston Matthews McConaughey”). The secret sauce, though, is to play with more challenging names; that’s where you find your diamonds in the rough.
Once in a while a name comes along that defies all fantasy team handle conventions. Throws the rule book completely out the window. Makes you question everything you’ve ever known.
That name? Rutger McGroarty.
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This wonderfully goated name (and former University of Michigan player who was selected 14th overall by Winnipeg in the 2022 NHL draft and is now with the Pittsburgh Penguins, but that’s not the focus for this particular piece) is both a blessing and a curse in terms of naming your fantasy team. If Rutger McGroarty didn’t exist as a hockey player in the NHL, inventing that moniker for your team would still turn heads and spark a few questions. If you were hearing the name for the first time, you’d be excused if you thought Rutger McGroarty played against Babe Dye and Newsy Lalonde in the 1920s.
But Rutger McGroarty is an S-tier fantasy hockey team name in itself, no clever modification or linking needed. It does the work for you. It is the Mona Lisa or the Raygun of fantasy names; 10/10, no notes.
Speaking of work, that’s what I did so you don’t have to. Enjoy the fourth annual ESPN Fantasy Team Name List, bigger and more Rutger McGroartier than ever.
Football hockey names
RJ Ui-Umberger-Lei
Lester Patrick Mahomes
Ryan Christian McCaffReaves
Brandon AiyUtah Hockey Club
Justin HerBertuzzi
Dak PreScott Stevens
Zack Martin St. Louis
Deebo Samuel Girard
Jalen Ramsey Abid
Wrestling names
Brutus LaBarbera Beefcake (This was former goaltender Jason LaBarbera’s actual hockey nickname and it’s one of the best hockey names in history!)
The People’s Elbo Room
Dale Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Michael Cole Caufield
Corey Adam Graves
Jim Ross Colton
Damian Cody Rhodes
Rhea Mike Ridley
Darby Allan Bester
Paul Swayman
Movies and television
Editor’s Picks
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I’m Just Ken Holland
Andrew Coppenheimer
OppenReimer
RuhwedelJuice RuhwedelJuice
Tyson Jostbusters
It Ends With Gustavsson
Ted Brazeau
Cobra Kai-Le Okposo
Only Kurvers In The Building
Schmid Game
Yegor Shoresy-ngovich
The Briere
Succ-Sissons
How I Met Your Montour
The Andrew Soproglianos
Memes
Very Demers, Very Mindful
Let Him Matt Cooke
Dansk Like No One’s Watching
Life Happens. Paul Coffey Helps
Nate Schmibidti
Rasmus Rizz-Tolainen
Just Put The Knies In The Bag, Bro
Deluluongo
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Music
Good Luck, Babe Dye!
Not Like Rust
Hello Bowness My Old Friend
Kendrick Lamundqvist
All I Want For Christmas Is Hughes
Hit The Post Malone
Justin Bieber’s All-Star Jacket
Drop It Like It’s Trotz
Mr. Shortside
Bardown With The Sickness
Star Wars
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The Nate Mack-Olyte
Filoni The Goalie
Never Tell Me The Todds Bertuzzi
George Lucas Raymond
Grand Henrymal Thrun
Kay Vess-ilevskiy
Master Cole Caufield
Luke Nathanwalker
Boston 7th Fleet
Minnesota Frosty Sulphate
Montreal Vic Vankoh
New York Thala-Sirens
Ottawa Seismic Charges
Toronto Spectre Cell
Skeleton Crew Lamoriello
Kaiden Gro-Guhle
If you want to hear Arda talk about a galaxy far, far away, check out ESPN Presents: Never Tell Me The Odds, a podcast about all the latest Star Wars news and reviews.
Food
Andrew Cobb Sa-Ladd
Scrambled Greg McKeggs
London Poile
Baba Ghanugent-Hopkins
Hamburglar And Fries
In our hearts
Johnny Hockey Forever <3
You can find Arda Öcal hosting The Drop, SportsCenter, and more. Follow him on X, formerly Twitter, @Arda.
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