Arda Öcal’s best, funniest fantasy hockey team names

Every year that I do this list for ESPN fantasy hockey, I dig for inspiration. Some names lend themselves naturally to puns or pop culture references, which creates a solid, standard Fantasy name such as “A Jack Hughes Brothers Film” or “Auston Matthews McConaughey”). The secret sauce, though, is to play with more challenging names; that’s where you find your diamonds in the rough.

Once in a while a name comes along that defies all fantasy team handle conventions. Throws the rule book completely out the window. Makes you question everything you’ve ever known.

That name? Rutger McGroarty.

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This wonderfully goated name (and former University of Michigan player who was selected 14th overall by Winnipeg in the 2022 NHL draft and is now with the Pittsburgh Penguins, but that’s not the focus for this particular piece) is both a blessing and a curse in terms of naming your fantasy team. If Rutger McGroarty didn’t exist as a hockey player in the NHL, inventing that moniker for your team would still turn heads and spark a few questions. If you were hearing the name for the first time, you’d be excused if you thought Rutger McGroarty played against Babe Dye and Newsy Lalonde in the 1920s.

But Rutger McGroarty is an S-tier fantasy hockey team name in itself, no clever modification or linking needed. It does the work for you. It is the Mona Lisa or the Raygun of fantasy names; 10/10, no notes.

Speaking of work, that’s what I did so you don’t have to. Enjoy the fourth annual ESPN Fantasy Team Name List, bigger and more Rutger McGroartier than ever.

Football hockey names

RJ Ui-Umberger-Lei

Lester Patrick Mahomes

Ryan Christian McCaffReaves

Brandon AiyUtah Hockey Club

Justin HerBertuzzi

Dak PreScott Stevens

Zack Martin St. Louis

Deebo Samuel Girard

Jalen Ramsey Abid

Wrestling names

Brutus LaBarbera Beefcake (This was former goaltender Jason LaBarbera’s actual hockey nickname and it’s one of the best hockey names in history!)

The People’s Elbo Room

Dale Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Michael Cole Caufield

Corey Adam Graves

Jim Ross Colton

Damian Cody Rhodes

Rhea Mike Ridley

Darby Allan Bester

Paul Swayman

Movies and television

Editor’s Picks

1 Related

I’m Just Ken Holland

Andrew Coppenheimer

OppenReimer

RuhwedelJuice RuhwedelJuice

Tyson Jostbusters

It Ends With Gustavsson

Ted Brazeau

Cobra Kai-Le Okposo

Only Kurvers In The Building

Schmid Game

Yegor Shoresy-ngovich

The Briere

Succ-Sissons

How I Met Your Montour

The Andrew Soproglianos

Memes

Very Demers, Very Mindful

Let Him Matt Cooke

Dansk Like No One’s Watching

Life Happens. Paul Coffey Helps

Nate Schmibidti

Rasmus Rizz-Tolainen

Just Put The Knies In The Bag, Bro

Deluluongo

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Music

Good Luck, Babe Dye!

Not Like Rust

Hello Bowness My Old Friend

Kendrick Lamundqvist

All I Want For Christmas Is Hughes

Hit The Post Malone

Justin Bieber’s All-Star Jacket

Drop It Like It’s Trotz

Mr. Shortside

Bardown With The Sickness

Star Wars

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The Nate Mack-Olyte

Filoni The Goalie

Never Tell Me The Todds Bertuzzi

George Lucas Raymond

Grand Henrymal Thrun

Kay Vess-ilevskiy

Master Cole Caufield

Luke Nathanwalker

Boston 7th Fleet

Minnesota Frosty Sulphate

Montreal Vic Vankoh

New York Thala-Sirens

Ottawa Seismic Charges

Toronto Spectre Cell

Skeleton Crew Lamoriello

Kaiden Gro-Guhle

If you want to hear Arda talk about a galaxy far, far away, check out ESPN Presents: Never Tell Me The Odds, a podcast about all the latest Star Wars news and reviews.

Food

Andrew Cobb Sa-Ladd

Scrambled Greg McKeggs

London Poile

Baba Ghanugent-Hopkins

Hamburglar And Fries

In our hearts

Johnny Hockey Forever <3

You can find Arda Öcal hosting The Drop, SportsCenter, and more. Follow him on X, formerly Twitter, @Arda.

Starting your own league is easier than ever! Set your league size, select your keepers, and invite your friends to start playing. Sign up for free today and be the commish!

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